"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we are not alone.
-Orson Welles
"Every living creature on Earth dies alone."
-From the movie Donnie Darko
It's strange when the fog of depression settles back upon you. It's like the heaviness never left. It's a comfortable old friend coming back to say hi. And suddenly everything sucks. Nothing in your life is good. But I know this will pass, it always does. And yes this old friend does seem to come around more than I'd like and definitely more than I've lead on to the outside world. I've become very good at pretending nothing is wrong when things are completely wrong. But I just breathe and live and wait and soon it leaves. And that's what I'm doing now....waiting.
I've written before about wishing I had friends and I'm gonna mention this again...I want some friends. Sometimes I think I'll go mad just because I have no one to talk to. And lately I have been in the company of two friends both male and that's great. But I really wish I had a girlfriend to talk to. Mostly I wish my sister would come home. I miss her more than I can express with words. And I feel like part of me is dead without her.
But now it's just important I stay busy....idle hands are the devil playground or something like that. Paint, write, Family tree research, Movies, maybe finally getting my bike out of the basement, singing, playing the guitar again, laughing, smiling. Doing all the things the old me used to do. And trying to love myself just as I am.
Sweet Dreams xo
(whoever is reading this)
