This is my truth...

"Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage, against the dying of the light."

                                                              -Dylan Thomas

I've been tossing ideas back and forth in my mind about how I should write about my experiences with depression and all the baggage depression carries.

I've never been properly diagnosed. I've seen many doctors all of whom asked me simple questions, none pertaining to any of the problems I was facing or struggling through and from that labeled me either Manic or depressed or both. I've been told I have border line personality disorder with a slight anxiety disorder, really I've heard it all.

But I always wondered how from the 2 minute Q&A asking ME things like, "How are you feeling today?" which I replied "fine." or "Are you sleeping at night?" which I said "yes.", were they able to come to that exact destination and say this person is this or this or this.

It almost would be easier if we all came with labels on our heads saying" I'm bipolar", because the shit I went through with my treatment and all the drugs that were put in my body that weren't necessary have caused more problems than the depression I was suffering with in the first place.

I wanted to start blogging because I'd eventually like to put a book together about my experiences and all that I went through in high school and the years that followed.

I'm the kind of person who really keeps what's going on in their head quiet. Most people have really never heard me discuss these things, In face some people in my family didn't even know I had been struggling with  mental illness or being hospitalized for years until many after the fact. So I just want to put it out there that these are my personal feeling and memories and opinions and if you don't like reading them to simple not read them. I don't want pity or anything like that. This is for me. I want to lay my cards on the table and look'em over. This is my truth from my mouth and my head and my heart. I've been keeping a lot inside for far too long and it already feels good getting this out.

till tomorrow or when I get another chance to write in peace.

xo